My predictions for Solo.

It has been no secret I dubbed the Solo movie, the movie that did not need to be made.  I don't care who thinks they said it first, I thought of it back in 1988. 

When the future Disney-Star Wars was being laid out and when the “stand-alone” aka “anthology” aka “Star Wars Story,” aka non-episodic films (whatever nomenclature KK is using this week) were announced, I was ecstatic at the idea.  Visions of a possible Rogue Squadron movie sparked my imagination - OT era or even post OT era would have been fine, just give me a movie where Wedge is the lead! Or a Kit Fisto film, why not? Right?

Admittedly, I scoffed at the idea of Rogue One, until I saw the panel at Star Wars Celebration VII (were we still using numbers back then?) in Anaheim.  I further scoffed, even louder, maybe it was more a “pooh-pooh” when someone mentioned a possible Kenobi movie.  However, after reading the JohnJackson Miller Kenobi book (July 2014) – published toward the end of the legends line, but in my opinion Disney should have put that in the so called “new continuity” (fail #346) – the idea started to grow on me.  Further making me want this (so far) non-movie were the stories from The journals of Ben Kenobi - Marvel Star Wars #7 and continuing on in a few more issues later down the line.  I point this out to add evidence that I am not opposed to the concept of non-episodic Star Wars movies, actually I am very much Pro-anthology.  

I am even willing to admit a small flaw in my personality where I am prone to making bad first judgments.  Despite originally thinking that Rogue One would add nothing. I now find Rogue One at #2 on my non-existent list of favorite Star Wars movies, since the list stops at #2 and all the others are tied for #3.  Where was I?

Oh yeah – right, I was getting to my predictions for Solo.  

So, Solo (hmmm that sound weird… Kind of like when someone says “when you do do that thing…”

Let’s try that again.  As far as Solo goes, I have come closer to the middle ground.  it is not like I was ever going to boycott. The people who are doing that simply because they hate TLJ are just idiots and are swimming upstream – but some people love rabid (under)dogs, and some people shoot them. Originally I planned on experimenting with the concept of NOT going to the opening night of a Star Wars flick and having a Sunday matinee be my first viewing.  I also kept with my strategy of avoiding all spoilers and not seeking out any information. I did not go to extreme measures, I just kept enough distance, and it seems to have worked (so far).  The few things I do know, are probably not going to ruin anything (except no Bossk - thanks TWISW). Either way, I don’t really expect much except to be pleasantly surprised.  It helps that I still have that “meh” feeling over TLJ and Lucasfim has moved the bar so low that I will probably enjoy the movie as long as it keeps me awake.  I may walk out and wished I had spent the evening talking politics with the dog or sharing some popcorn with her over a marathon session of the IT Crowd on Netflix. But really - it can’t be as bad or as lackluster as that travesty of last December. Or was it a non-travesty? I am not sure because I remain so ambivalent that I feel as if I might become an honorary millennial.

So, since I have nothing invested in this movie, other than a few bucks towards a ticket and some used DMR points to get a free official poster I made some predictions for fun.  This should be pretty spoiler free, because I know nothing of this movie.  All I know going in is, who wrote it, who acts in it, and the rough in-universe time period of the movie.  Oh and full disclosure, saw one part of one trailer where there is a train or something going through some mountains or snow – or was that the trailer for Snowpiercer? I don't know, I get confused and sidetracked easily now days. By the way, good movie based on a Korean novel.  I am still hoping for a sequel.

THE PREDICTIONS – da dha dummmm

Prediction number one – We find out that Solo is not just his last name, but a designation. He is the original template for a batch of cancelled clones.

Second prediction – Chewie is actually wearing underwear (a Disney mandated additive)  we just can’t tell because all the hair/fur that covers it.

C. Han Solo actually owned the Falcon long before Lando lost it to some third person, Lando then got it from that person, and finally Han cheats Lando to get it back. Orrrrr....we find out that the computer of the Falcon is actually the digitally stored brain of a ancient Jedi and that is why the Falcon survives against all odds and eventually finds itself working with Luke, Ben and then later Rey.

#5. We will be teased with a silhouette in the distance, or maybe an off-handed reference to Boba Fett. It will be a tease only and nothing more.  But if it happens be prepared for all the Boba-boys (those are Boba Fett fan boys that well...like Boba Fett - a lot) to squeal in the theater causing you to miss the next bit of dialog.  This will be Disney’s clever way of getting you to go a second time so you can hear what you missed – thus driving up the box office so Star Wars can take back the title from the Marvel Franchise.

Last prediction – Ok I lied, I have heard one other thing. So this is the only possible spoiler. Now is your chance to bail out- 

seriously no more warnings

really? still here?

Ok here it is

Apparently one of the screenplay writers only known to me as Laurence Kashdan’s son – so Kashdan Jr.? Either way, during one interview or some other situation where he has reason to jammer about the movie – he disclosed that Lando was pan-sexual.  Actually, I got all this from some anti-new Star Wars FB page, so who knows if this is true.  What I do know is there is a segment of fandom that has literally lost their feces over this news.  I am not fan of Billy…uh I mean Lando NOT being a ladies man (see him in the Ladies Man – another great movie!!!) and I take this comment as meaning not that Lando is Bi-sexual (not that there is anything wrong with that....Seinfeld anyone???) but that he basically bangs everything that moves (i.e. aliens).  So I went the long way to say that my last prediction is that -

We will see Lando in an orgy-like scene with some Twileks or some Ewoks or maybe even a Jawa or two.

End Credits

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End Credit Scene

A shot of C3PO and R2D2 doing something