Allow me to introduce myself

Hello, I wanted to introduce myself. My name is wararoowruuuurrrr. I know this is hard to pronounce but I just wanted to set the record straight since this dude that I am crashing with (I just call him doooode) keeps calling me AhhhTheeenah. I usually ignore him when he calls me by that, unless of course he has treats.

I am a member of a specially trained cadre of dogs that have infiltrated the country. My specific skills include escape, evasion, and erratic zig sagging when walking on a leash. My hobbies include smelling every weed, car tire, tree, bush, candy wrapper, sewage grate, dead bird, and blade of grass....well the list goes on, Even though I have walked around this neighborhood every day for the last month I still have not smelled everything so when I am not outside I am planning on making my escape to get out and smell some more. So far I have escaped twice to go on solo recon missions but the doooode must have agents everywhere because they caught me both times. I have mastered breaking out of the small wire kennel by bending the bottom of the door frame and working it up the rail until there is enough room to get my head through, then I slide under the door and catch my collar, I work the collar loose and then shimmer my way out. I have also mastered how to slide under the fence (until the doooode blocked it with an ingenious plan) and I also learned how to open the main door. I had figured out how to turn the bolt when the doooode had the lock replaced, now no matter how much I jump up and hit the handle I can’t get out. But I have been doing my rounds I may have found another escape route.

So most of my day I sleep for about ten minuets, I pace until the doooode lets me out, then I sniff and smell until the doooode drags me back in then I go back to napping. It has been raining non-stop the last few days, I got my revenge. I made the doooode walk four miles in pouring down rain through puddles and into the wind. He thought I would be miserable and not want to go for the rest of the day  but just an hour later I was pacing at the door again.

So far the doooode has had a couple of phone interviews for a job and each time I have walked up and bumped his arm that was holding the phone or slapped his arm with my paw.  I need him to realize that I am his first priority and not anything else. This also applies to when he is on the kumpuuuter doing his homework or playing on Facebook.

I think the doooode is coming back so I better go for now, plus it has been about 10 minutes I need to go back outside and see if there is anything new to sniff.