You have all seen it…well all THREE of you who read this
have seen it. The guy on your favorite
TV show or in a good story or movie who has “The List.” Be it a list of people to kill or get revenge
on, or just an ol good enemies list. I
have one too…I will wait for the collective gasp to subside.
My list does not adhere to one category, like people or
companies or countries and I admit the list is all over the place but it is a
list of people or things that have wronged me either directly or verrrrrrry
indirectly and so far I have been pretty faithful with maybe one
exception. What got me thinking of this
“List” is I think I might have to add another one, although I seem to be
wavering and wondering if I am just getting soft in my old age.
THE LIST
1. The first one I can remember. MasterCard.
Oh yeah they have those cute freakin commercials and it is everywhere
you want to be, or wait…is that Visa? Yeah
I think MasterCard is priceless – yep that is right they are so damned
priceless I have refused a MasterCard since day one. To be completely honest I had a
non-subscriber AT&T card back in the day before cell phones (the dark ages)
and it was the most convenient way to use that card to call from overseas or
even in the states without having a home phone. To make what should be a short
story longer that it needs to be, AT&T ended up changing the non-subscriber
card to a MasterCard, I went with it for a few months but really should have
added AT&T to number 2 on this list.
Instead I cancelled the card and moved on. Now to the backstory. The reason I will not ever have a MasterCard
has nothing to do with me. Back even
further than the time before cell phones, like the early 80s, our family packed
up the jalopy and moved to Germany. (ok
if you pictured us driving across the ocean to Europe I need you to move along
and please don’t breed – because of course we had to fly over…) so back to the
story. We moved but I remember the
parents being all up in a tizzy because MasterCard had cancelled their cards
since we were moving overseas and the rest is kind of like when the teacher
talks during the Peanuts cartoons WAKAKAK AKWWAAKAA. So for no other reason then lack of having
balls and letting people living overseas keep their damn credit cards
MasterCard for that you made the LIST.
2.
Number two is also as indirectly not about me as
the previous. Toshiba. I will NOT buy a Toshiba product ever. For those of you who know what a submarine
is, well they live because they are hard to detect and back in the mid 80s. the
Toshiba company sold or gave or gifted or something some plans for machine
tools that would make their subs quieter.
That along with the traitorous Walker spy clan and well the U.S. Navy
would have been keeping the Titanic company if there had been a direct war
between the U.S. and the Ruskies. So for
being opportunistic dicks and even though it is a generation later I hope their
company rots, Toshiba for that you made the LIST.
3.
Number three. Burger King. Ok again, full disclosure. I have eaten at
Burger King over the years, usually out of curiosity ever 12-18 months, I want
to see if it is still as bad as I remembered.
However, there have been times that BK was all there was to eat late at
night at a highway rest stop on a long road trip and I have passed. Back when I
was a younger whippersnapper I lived on a military base in Germany and kids of
my age at the time (highschool) could get a job working at various places. Most kids up to that point could bag
groceries for tips and that was about it.
So the base store (called the PX) let kids work there but then Burger King
opened up on base and since no one wanted to work there they required any kids
working for the Exchange System (the PX)
had to start at BK. I – being me
– the sceemer somehow found the loophole and ended up doing one of the few non
BK entry jobs around and that was to deliver the morning newspaper. Later I ended up working as a waiter at the
base golf course. So if there was a case
of superiority complex for NOT working at BK I had it. Of course most of my friends cycled through
that BK and most of them either quit or endured long enough to get a better
gig. I remember the stories on what
really happened in the back of that store… so fast forward a few years and I am
in Panama, no kitchen no mess hall at the remote site I worked at so all we had
was beer at the base club, a BK mobile trailer and a pizza place. Other that that you could buy some microwave
dinners at the gas station. So for
nearly a year and a half I survived on BK.
I vowed after that to never again.
So Burger King for that you made the LIST.
4.
This one is a little specific. Like most red blooded Mericans I find it
necessary to go buy cheap Chinese products at Walmart. Seriously, go into Walmart pick up 10 items
in various departments and then look where they were all made. With the
exception of the food 90% of that crap is made my some dude named Chin Lee
while his son or daughter is hacking into our defense computers and causing
havoc. Back in the 90s I think it was,
ol Wal decided his Mart was not goin got sell CDs with explicit lyrics. Around
this same time I lived in upstate Maine.
The only store that was close was a Walmart, otherwise to get CDs I had
to go about an hour away to the only mall in Maine. I am dead serious, at that time Portland
Maine had the only mall in the area, even Canadians came down to shop
there. I didn’t mind, it made for a reason
to go to Portland and was a good trip, however since it did inconvience me even
a little and simply because I think the policy is B.S. and discriminatory I
will not buy any electronic media from Walmart, no CDs, no DVDs, no Games, no
electronic entertainment devices. The
only thing I have bought in that department of Walmart in almost 20 years was a
USB cable and I think I bought some memory cards for my first digital
camera. So Walmart for that you made the
LIST.
5.
Geico. Oh
yes you suck. This is one of the loosest
boycotts I have going, since it is really a petty reason and well I don’t need
them anyway I have had the insurance I want and see no alternate reality where
I would want to change. Back in the mid
90s a somewhat younger, leaner and poorer me bought his first car. It was an used one but even then I still
needed insurance to register and drive it off the lot. So my dad and my grandfather who was in town,
took me over to Geico to see about getting some of that good ol insurance. Now the situation was – see with me there is
always another layer to the story – I had basically just enough to buy the car,
fill the tank with some gas, register, tax, tags and have about $300-400 for
insurance. I walk into Geico give the
lady at the desk my info, age, the car I needed insurance, drivers license, all
that mumbo jumbo, and she quotes me something like $700 for six months or
something. My face must have registered the shock since I knew that there was
no way I could get the car if I had to pay that much. Seeing my fact the chick just laughed out
loud in my face. Not a “Tee Hee” or a nervous chuckle, but an out loud “HA”. So
Eff her and Eff Geico. Geico for that
you made the LIST.
6.
Compaq.
My first laptop much like many of yours I imagine, was about 50 pounds
and had a screen the size of a Galaxy S3 does today. Ok I
exaggerate but it was a clunky thing. To
this day I don’t play any games on my laptop. Maybe a few Facebook games or a
free chess game, solitare that type of thing.
But once I got used to that new fangled internet and exhausted all the
Star Wars information that was out there (because that is the real reason I
bought the laptop in the first place) oh and Porn was not as available as
today…ok just kidding calm down don’t get your knickers in a wad…so I went out
an bought a game. Decieded to get the Risk game, it was always one of my fav
board games so why not. Well, still
being a novice at anything computerish, I found I could not get the video of
the game to play, I could hear it and could see that is started to load, but
the screen would go black and I could hear the background music. I figured it
had to be what I now know is the video driver. I called Compaq to see if there
was something I could order or download (which back then would have tied up the
phone line for about 12 hours) and the lady who was on the other end of the
phone basically told me I shouldn’t be playing games on the computer anyway. At
that point I vowed to never buy a Compaq product again, I did make one attempt
at redemption and tried a Compaq Presario and that was a piece of junk, it
“broke” and my Best Buy insurance helped me get another laptop. Compaq went out
of business in 2012 – so SCORE one for the list. Compaq for that you made the
LIST.
7.
Norm Dicks.
With a name like that… He was my representiative in the U.S. House of
representitives for years. I was
stationed near D.C. when I had to re-enlist in the military. So figuring he was close by and I was a
voting constituent I wrote a letter to ask if he would do the honors. I asked plenty of time ahead of the event and
he never responded, not even a quick email by a staffer saying VOTE DICKS. Usually I am usually a little apologetic for
politicians, they get blamed for a lot and can’t know or manage everything,
often they are failed by their own staff or members of their own caucuses. For being a penis Norm Dicks for that you
made the LIST.
8.
So far I have not gone completely chronological
but pretty close. This one however,
should be one of the first ones since I have had this one on the list for about
as long as I have had it. The Oakland uhhh I mean L.A. Uhh I mean Oakland
criminals. Lyle Alzado, Howie Long, and the legacy of Al Davis not
withstanding, the Oakland Raiders are a bunch of punks. Like the funk in a unventilated public
bathroom where a lot of sweaty older dudes have just finished working out,
having a steam, showering and butt flossing dry the Raiders criminal nature
just lingers. Other teams have tried to outdo them but the Raiders have a
legacy for being thugs. As former division rivals against my life long team the
Seahawks, and as near neighbors as west coast teams can be I have always rooted
for two teams each Sunday, the Hawks and whoever is playing the Raiders. So the only entry on this list that actually
has my respect as one would respect a capable advisory, Oakland Raiders for
that you made the LIST.
9.
As of today that is all I got. There is a spot
kind of generically reserved for a few anonymous people on here like the mover that stole my
Hotwheels when we moved from Erlangen to Colorado Springs. He (or them) thought
they were stealing my mom’s crystal based on the inventory of the boxes but
mislabeled the boxes and took my crap. The sucky thing is I never got any more
Hotwheels. The entire collection gone and no one bought me new ones. So,that
prick whoever he is hopefully died from internal injuries after getting hit by
a bus. And then there is a slot for
entire groups such as the entire production of the only two movies I have ever
said I hated. Moonstruck and Battle
Field Earth. Just horrible works and everyone that was part of either of those
movies should be repeatedly punched in the gut until I get tired of watching.
So what you though there would be 10??? Actually even number nine does not really
count. There are a few I am simmering
on, such as the more recent issues I have with LG. Also I never officially put them on the list
but I will never use Travelociy again.
They messed up one of my trips and tried to blame me. I may have been
partly to blame (crap I might be TOTALLY to blame) but they had me on hold for
an hour when I was trying to fix an error in a ticket I had reserved through them
and then instead of fixing it spent another 30 minutes blaming me for the mix
up. Not only do they have an issue
understanding English but the customer service sucks. So now that I think of it, they are number 10….
10. Travelocity. Your customer service sucks. For that you made the LIST.
So the list is rounded up for now but I may have to rethink some
of the criteria and there could be some more added. Like that eff’er at Norfolk
Airport the TSA agent that got smart ass with me about what I do for a living
and who I work for, when all I said was retired Navy, then played the well I
have generals and more important people than you come through and they answer
me, so you can too. If could figure out his
name he would be on here. For that matter the entire TSA. It is one of the only organizations created
that is reactive instead of proactive to threats. What a waste of money but I guess some people
need a place to work when they get too old to work at Burger King.
