Patton Oswalt Had His Here's Mine...

Star wars Episode VII opening according to Gallologic

There is a lot of talk about the big three of Star Wars coming back for the new trilogy, or at least the first movie of the new trilogy. The big three of course are the three that were in the OT (original trilogy), Han, Luke, Leia (Aka Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher of course).

I have one issue  - (OK to be fair I have about 99 issues, but counting them is not one of them) But what about Lando (aka Billie Dee Williams)???? Yeah yeah, he only was introduced half way into the second movie (Empire Strikes Back), and he was first thought to be a traitor. But he did redeem himself and was part of the strike team to destroy the second Death Star. And as far as the OT crew, besides Chewbacca he might be the most likely to survive 20-30- even 40 years after the end of Return of the Jedi. Think about it, he is touted as being a smuggler, gambler, lover…he obviously makes choices that ensure his neck is saved – i.e. letting Han Solo try out the role of popsicle, sure he didn’t have much of a choice but he knew how to keep from becoming the red shirt of the week when Darth Vader came to town. So yeah, I want to see Billie Dee back on that IMDB page for the new Star Wars Movie.

Speaking of casting. Where the eff is Anthony Daniels? He is probably the most prolific voice of Star Wars, he not only played C3PO for all SIX of the movies, he reprised his role for the Clone Wars Animated Series as well as Droids, Ewok Cartoons, radio dramas, and just about anywhere C3PO shows up in the SW universe. He should have been signed on before JJ Abrams as director.

There is some talk (guessing) about how the new movies will play out. Just because the “big three” are coming back does not mean this new series HAS to be exactly 35 years after Return of the Jedi. Thanks to CGI, makeup, make believe, acting, and a different laws of physics between our universe and that of SW, the time line does not have to match our passage of time since 1983.

The first movie could be 10 yrs  20 yrs, even 40 yrs later. Plus who says that the movies can’t take place over a number of years. Fast forwarding through the next 40 years or even 400 years. That can alleviate arguing about the last 22 years of Expanded Universe books, comics, ect… Just remember there were 10 years between Episode I (the Phantom Menace) and Episode II (The attack of the Clones).

Another thing I have been reading on blogs and hearing on podcasts some fans want a death scene to pass the torch.

I prefer a death scene at the beginning like opening of Citizen Kane or the opening pages of Secret Generations by John Gardner (you NEED to read this series if you like espionage stories, James Bond, or just a story that spans generations and has more twists than a crazy straw)

With all the prophesizing and conjecturing about possible casting of Ian McDiarmid (played the Emperor/Palpatine in the OT and Prequel) and Ewan McGregor played the prequel Obi Wan.

A lot of folks upset about the possibility of staleness bringing back the Emperor don’t want a clone don’t believe the Sith (badidies) can come back as Force Ghosts (i.e. Ben Kenobi, Yoda et al coming back as force projections – visual and aural in the OT)

Would prefer that the Emperor was only in the film as possible a holycron (hologram) or some kind of message from the past.

Here is my take on what the opening should be for EP IV so JJ if you are reading and want to use it, all I ask is VIP access opening night…

We are used to the opening crawl, but I want to break tradition, since we are not getting the 20^th Century Fox opening fanfare I suggest a cold opening where we see a scraggled looking explorer type of guy, Or better yet a chick. Combing through some ruins or maybe down in the bowels of Coruscant. On the screen it says “5 years after the battle of Endor.

This unknown person digging into a vault or maybe tearing through a pile of junk (office furniture. From an old Senate Office…) Finally uncovering a crystal or some kind of device, after rotating the device like a Rubik’s cube there is a flash and then a hologram appears, very weak at first and it is hard to discern, then that all too familiar voice of Palpatine/Darth Sidious crackles to life begins with …”You have found the secret to eternal life I will teach you and you will learn to call me master” or something along those lines…fade away to the crawl…

“It is 30 years after the battle of Endor, the rebels now control the governing body of the universe but still are fighting the clean up remnant of the old Empire. Leia Organa once married to but now estranged from Han Solo finishes up her third term as President finally ready to retire to private life, however pressing matters of a more personal nature drive her to old friends In the last moments of his life

Luke Skywalker the hero of the New Republic long disappeared from public life is rumored to be training a new more disciplined cadre of Jedi at a hidden academy is brought out of obscurity and hiding to come to the side of an old friend.

Unknown to all but a few conspirators there is far more that will concern the lives of every sentient in the galaxy a new type of Sith is lurking  and ready to make themselves known.

Then the scene opens on Corellia in a mansion on a great hill, wide open windows open onto a lush valley

Pan over to a bed with a very elderly human male, medical droids and doctors of various species mingle. Suddenly a large Woolkie enters speaking quietly with a tint of concern, the medical droid says – “Yes, Master Chewbacca the time is near, are they here? Chewie give an affirmative grunt turns toward the door and Leia with C3PO in tow comes into to Han Solo’s side. Worry and grief on her face, she begins to apologize for ever leaving him, and wishes…Han cuts her off “I know dear, you are here now”

Leia then says the kids are on the way.

Luke comes in a few seconds later along with R2D2 who rolls over to 3PO who is standing in the corner out of the way, both although not human are displaying very human traits of sorrow.

Luke and Han exchange a few words where Han tells Luke to take care of  his kids and Leia, telling him he was always proud of him and that even though he does not have his (Luke’s) powers, he feels a disturbance ..chuckles that he has been around this crazy force users too long.

Han and Leia’s children arrive just as the medical droid says “It is time” and Han then reaches out for Chewies hand takes it and places it over Leia’s hand, and says “She and the kids are yours now buddy” Han then drifts off and dies. Chewie howls, R2 gives a low mournful whistle, 3PO simply says “Oh My”, Leia cries out loud, sniffles are heard from the kids (if there is a Jacen like kid in the script maybe he is stoic but still effected). Luke places a hand on Leia’s shoulder and tries to console…

Cut to another room, some hours have passed, Luke and Leia with Chewie all alone. Leia asks Luke what he thinks Han meant about a disturbance. Luke responds that he as felt it too. Leia claims that she has not, then after a pensive look says, she should have never given up on the Jedi training, but Luke says she was needed more in the Senate and for the better of all, it allowed him to recreate the Jedi from a solid foundation. She asks Luke, “IF there is a danger, will you be ready?” Luke looks to the sky and says from what I am sensing, we better be….”

To see Patton Oswalt's version click here

Barney "Flim Flam Film Critic" Frank vies for Gene Shalit's old job

I have been subscribing to new RSS feeds each week. Once I became overcome with Star Wars and SCIFI/Geek of the week RSS feeds I had a premonition of what it would look like if I died suddenly and someone that was responsible for going through my things would think if they took a look at my laptop. So after cleaning out my history and deleting my special bookmark folder I set out to find intellectual RSS feeds. I got about as far as Fox News and Foreign Policy before I gave up due to the gang bang my inbox took with new messages. I guess there is a lot of news out there beyond Zimmerman, Martin, Anthony, Knox, and shark attacks.

So back on subject. I was giddy with finally acting like an adult when no one was looking and one of the first items in my RSS feed was about former Congressman Barney and his hard hitting analysis of the Netflix original "House of Cards". Full disclosure I own a few shares of Netflix stock, I also have been a customer since early 2000 and I have always disliked Barney Frank.

The Barnster apparently "Hated 'House of Cards'" I don't mind people having their opinion and the former Congressman is certainly entitled to his. However what I found interesting from the article  was his admission that he had only seen a few episodes...uhh excuse me, I correct myself here....he watched "Three Episodes" of the 13. That is roughly 32.5 percent of the show. So about half what he expects most working Americans to pay in Federal Income Tax.  NOTE: I am exaggerating - but only slightly, I can not find a source quickly enough to keep my rambling rant going on, but I have found plenty of sources where he has voted against eliminating the estate tax and where he is a proponent of unbalanced taxing of the more wealthy half of Americans.

Once again back to the rant at hand. Barnalicious decided after viewing just under less than a third of the show - which I point out here, was available all at once on Netflix Streaming so other than lack of time to sit and watch and having a device that will play Netflix streaming there is no real obstacle to watching the entire series.

He has issue with the realness of the politics depicted on the show Frank says, "My proble is that it might mislead people into thinking that this is the way our political system actually works." Wait...WTF? Really Barney Boy? I am not saying that the real life Congress is like what we see on House of Cards (HOC) actually that it might be worse! At least in HOC we see government in action (no matter how corrupt and disingenuous). With our current government, the Senate has not passed a budget in how many years??? Answer: 2009. And the house has managed to do the impossible and pass a budget this year but is still blamed for sequestration and past years budget woes while impressively taking 239 days off in 2013. To be fair this includes vacations, travel days, holidays, spa days, fundraising junkets, and weekends. But in comparison to the 104 weekend days, average of 6 paid holidays, and 10-30 days of vacation most working Americans get a year. (I'll do the math- 120 to 140 days a year). Must be nice to be in Congress...

The Barnanator goes on to say that he prefers the "West Wing"version of politics being show to us masses on TV. Of course he does, the West Wing demonstrated an overly fictionalized God Like Democrat in the hot seat that could rarely do wrong, and when he did trip up he had a chorus of angel like staffers to carry him along. Don't get me wrong, I have not entered entirely into curmudgeon status and do like the feel good vibe of the WW but COMEON man, that show was faker than rubber dog poop. Looked real if you sprinkle a little water on it and maybe place it in a shadowy corner. But get up close poke it with your finger, take a whiff and you know it is not real. Of course there is no denying I'd rather step in the fake stuff than the real crap (pun intended) but Barney who spent 32 years on the governments dime sitting in his ivory tower, paying for male prostitutes, has a long way to go before he can honesty critic a TV show or movie especially one that hits too close to home. My guess is that Netflix hit it on the head and woke the ol bastard up a little.

Marco Out